I had a dream involving my ex. Unfortunately, it told me nothing new. All it told me is that she wanted to visit, but is not willing to compromise, and show off against me, essentially becoming a hypocrite. I think it's telling me to move on

Yeah, I should write here more often. I'm blogging on Monday/Thursday at my Rox Blox blog for a reason. And I had a post for my personal blog, but as usual, things change and I can't post it now. :( I'll blog more later.

I should write here more often. Anyways, this is one topic I wrote at work last night, preserved with date/time/music/mood/etc.
Written 3-10-2012 23:27

At work, there is a corner where I often hang out when no one else is around. This corner doesn't have a camera, but I have nothing to hide. It is a comfortable zone to me. Don't ask me why: it could be the chips nearby, or it could be I'm within a few steps from the exit. When someone does come, I slowly walk to my designated area, as if to illustrate that I am really like one of you except in a certain situation.

In much of the same manner, my life is a symbol of this scenario. The corner represents my secrets, my comfort zone that people may see, but not enter with me, nor understand. People do walk in or out of my life, often as friends or "friends" (acquantances, etc.) depending on the situation or time(s). The designated area, where I walk to represents where I have to abide by rules, laws or morales. While I try to be respectful even in this area, people do not always understand why or what it is that separates me from them.

I had a core group of "friends" leave me on my twitter accounts @druidlove and @druidlove_alt (the latter is currently used for twitter jail). I have to admit, this developed in stages from October with the World Series until recently. But the group that left recently was in a mass exodus stunned me a bit. I could not understand why a couple people that I even met and trusted as friends would suddenly disappear. For the most part, this group was all women... which doesn't help me. In fact, it's warped my whole view as I fade in to the next paragraph...

Last week, I got an e-mail from the ex padawan_helena. The subject was "are you ok?", and in it, she says about me dead without sorting things out with her. Nice to know that I'm supposed to answer to her even if we're legally separated (rolls eyes). Okay, with that said, I admit both of us are at fault--I could have written earlier, but I explained that work/sleep schedule got screwed up with someone quitting. She could have written sooner, especially with more status of our little girl, bue she didn't explain why nor did she care to. Since I've moved on, I didn't care to ask her. But I still think that she has her priorities mixed up, since she still tries to associate with me, but she cut me off at the same time, citing trust. I don't get women sometimes.

It's times like this where I really don't understand women. The saying: "Women, can't live with them, can't live without them." seems accurate when I cross out the rest of the sentence. I've already given up hope on ever finding another love. Actually, I've been finding out that I'm losing trust with women, and getting turned off. No, I'm not going gay either. But I've just given up with women for the most part. Too many bad experiences, and poison pills have just hurt me, and I need to focus on the good things. There's no point in always being grumpy.

So, I need to change up some things on my networks. I guess the first thing, I'm going to put a freeze on my networks for new people. I do need to trim a few people from my twitter list. particularly some women. And I've got one more post about certain friends I don't give enough credit to. :) I'm doing my cuts on Monday

Heya, This is my Christmas edition of the follow. I'm going to dedicate this post to those who I believe are really good friends, and really helped me get through this year. Whenever I can, I've included the twitter feed name next to the first name. (fb) stands for friends on Facebook

First, I'd like to thank my mom and dad. They've helped me out more than I've ever have. Even if they're 2 time zones away, I don't know what I'd do without them

I'd like to thank Audra (@audinco, fb) and Dan (@originalideaman) as they are excellent friends. Audra especially has helped me through some of the worst times possible.

I'm giving a shoutout to Wes (@303wes, fb) who has been a great guy and great support year round.

A shoutout to Kirsten (@sillychurro2, fb) who has been good moral support, despite being a friend living outside of Colorado.

I'm going to shout out to Christina (@cjensen23, fb) and her son Andy (@roxfan97) who are really nice people, and really don't deserve what happened this year. I hope next year is better for them.

Ashlee (@Ms_apayne) is a great baseball fan, and I think she's also a sweet person.

I'd like to dedicate this paragraph to Mark (@Townie813) who has been wonderful talking baseball, and Rockies. Love to continue the trend next year.

Now a friend I haven't seen online, Davor. We've had our moments, but he's still there in support. I hope to see you next year, bud.

I'd like to thank Cari (@carisports, fb) who I got to know a lot better, and is a great friend. Hope to talk to you more next year.

April (@Rockkstarr11, fb) is also a good Rockies fan and a great friend to talk to. Don't get on her bad side, trust me. :)

I have to thank Brian (@gorox1983) again for a nice year. I hope that next year finds you in CO. :)

I like to thank Kate (@Kate2Low) who has been again a nice person to talk Rockies and Tulowitzki. Good luck out of state.

A big thank you to Sherry (@Rusty1026), and her daughter Tiffany. It's been a great year to get to know you two better.

And finally, I like to thank Dave (@RockiesReview), who I have got to know as a nice person, though he can seem like a Rockies Critic. I know he means well, however.

These people are probably the ones that stand out the most as I've talked to them for a majority of the year. I'll list the others that are worthy of following on Twitter as well. To everyone, I hope you have a great Christmas, and a good 2012

Rockies fans @Chris_Hitchcock, @Capitulate (fb), @aschultz2, @astoria922, @avsangel14 @bertjanb, @brosanta, @cesarcarvajalb, @cheryltweedy, @cutlergal, @deak007, @deelov3, @edwscott, @fiyahpowah, @jefe_13, @jjblue5, JMurph72, @judyfrie, @knitster, @milehiphill, @msroxrock (fb), @colosportspaz, @rinnylue, @rockiebeliever (fb), @rockiesroad, @rockieswoman1, @supahfly328, @tcn33, @truefancolorado, @twinsdad_co

Other sports fans: @bbates14, @dookchene, @dutchyfan9, @fishstl, @heidimid22, @hitman6498, @JohnPMclaughlin, @kriztweetsalot, @lecroy24fan, @tebowed15 (fb), @thedodgerhater, @tlawren3, @travisg2, @yankee32879, @yanks428

General friends: @aleighbar, @anniesage, @bflomum (fb),@mastermind8902 (fb), Michelle (fb only), Bobbie (fb only), Tracy (fb only), Wendy (fb only).

Also, while I have limited contact, I'd like to give a special shoutout to my little girl, Melody.

Yeah, I'm sorry I wanted to dedicate more to each person, but I still think of my friends daily. Being listed here means I'm thinking of you in a special way.

So my plans for 2012? I'm going to unlock my @druidlove account again early: January 2nd... and get ready for baseball. My facebook remains on invite only, but if you want to be part of it, feel free to ask and I'll invite you. :) I'm also changing my sports blog at sports.druidlove.com, I'm posting the news next week. And as for this journal, I'm still using it, though not as active as I was hoping.

Have a merry Christmas, and a great 2012

There is a tale of two women I know, on twitter. Both of them are so alike, and yet, both are so different. But one I have more respect than the other. For the sake of argument, I'll keep the names secret.

One woman I've talked to both online, and called once. We met up in the matter that she lives in the same town as one of the Rockies' farm teams, though on the MLB level, she roots for my rival SF Giants. Yeah, we had a falling out for a few weeks in 2009, though we've talked well before and after that, and remain friends. Sorry, make that good friends. But, in our chats, I've grown to know that she has a huge heart. In fact, I really wished I had a chance to meet her this summer, though I didn't get the time. We've learned where to respect each other when it comes to baseball, but otherwise, we seem to get along very well. In fact, I've defended her in front of my friends, and you have to be a great friend for that to happen. We talked last night, and I told her that she was a classy woman, and deserves the best--not 2nd prize. Being nice? maybe. Truth? Yes. But I truly believe she is a special person once you get to know her.

Then there is another woman I met this year. Yeah, we went to a Rockies game or two or three. I've gotten to know her a bit, and she has a similar backround as mine and also the other person I just talked about (that's part of the alike feature.) However, she chooses to get over her breakup by partying. Nothing wrong with that. But her tweets on twitter are 90% about sex and drinking, and partying... and she's taking up my entire timeline at times. I had to talk to my best friend about it, which is usually either a very good thing or a very bad thing. And being I was getting uncomfortable, what can I say. I tried honestly, and told this person why I unfollowed on Twitter. She then says that I "Take it all too seriously... " (um, didn't say either way.), "... and I could give a shit less." Well, that's how she feels about me, or anyone? Ooooookay! Don't need to worry about her anymore.

I will do my best to show respect towards others, and I'm here to have fun. But not at the expense of ruining my moral beliefs. (I've gotten into too much trouble this year when I didn't follow what I believed was right.) But it's amazing how awesome the freinds I still have are. :)

I've decided to turn off commenting to non-livejournal users. This is in result of all the spam I've gotten in other means. Sorry about this but it becomes a burden to me. If you do not have a LJ you can always find me on twitter or Facebook to post a reply. Thanks

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

I think I've come to two statements...

My ex, padawan_helena Helena Fridlund, ruined my life.

That I knew already. So?

Letting her continue to ruin my life is my problem.

So, why did this continue to happen for so long? The problem is that we have a daughter together. But a bunch of events in 2008 set the stage forward to a nasty divorce. But what made me stick together was my daughter. Even when the marriage was doomed, I knew that Melody was more important. I wanted to maintain that connection if I couldn't raise her. And Helena did everything she could to deny me the chance to even talk to Melody. I had to take it to a court situation even if I hated that since no one would get the ideal solution. And so I fought through this year to get some resolution. I thought I had it in February. The agreement to at least talk once a week. But the court still failed on my behalf to contact me since then.

The main problem was that Helena always insisted that she was perfect, or better than me. That has been an issue even before the divorce, but it got worse during and after. She had always made the one promise: "No matter what, I will make sure Melody will never forget you." She has made a few promises before, such as maintaining contact, but had broken them. In fact, the one promise about maintaining contact she broke, she justified it by saying "You deserve it for putting me through hell." ... I don't get her. Justifying a broken promise like that isn't great. But I digress. What brought it to a head was the promise I mentioned about Melody not forgetting me. That was broken on Tuesday, when she was asked to talk to me, and Melody said "No, I want to talk to Mark... he's more fun." ...................... um???? what? Some research brought up that Mark is Helena's new boyfriend. SMH. I never hit a low like that before.

I had to talk to a few friends about it, and how to get over it. The end result was really not how to resolve the problem with Helena and Melody, but how to resolve the problem with myself. How do I get happy? I've been trying to find some closure to the whole situation. I had closed it up with Helena, since there is nothing we can do to resolve things between us. But she has a tie to my daughter that I could not break. Still cannot really. But how do I close the situation made it clear this week. I was stunned at first. Talking it out helped me determine the direction I should go. The letter I sent earlier this week helps the closure, as well as today's entry. So, now I'm done. Finished.

Moving on now...

Saturday was one of the craziest days possible. There was a BBQ at one of my best friend's house. I had fun, though I had one moment of emptiness, and I guess that set up the entire evening. But I have two of the best friends there to help me out. And I learned a bit more about people.

This was a BBQ, a party, and I had fun. This was also, in a way, a tweetup, in that we got to meet people we have never seen before in real life (or were used to seeing only online). Wes and I carpooled together. :) Both of us know Audra, and her husband Dan. And then there was @AvsAngel14, and @KrissiBex (though I didn't recognize her at first.) But that is all as far as the familiarities. I saw @EllisFan14 and her family, though this was the first time for Wes. Then there was @VousCroux, and later @fiyahpowah. And then @ashleetripp showed up, though I had an issue that I moved on from. (Yeah, I did apologize midway through because I don't want to hold grudges). Overall the party was a success.

Midway through it, I had a feeling of emptiness. This was left over from the past week or two. One of which relates to ex, aka @padawan_helena, who I believe acted in the worst way possible. She literally came to eastern US, to have a fuckfest with someone else she met on her fucking game, and I heard that she had my daughter with her. (Sorry, this was upsetting, and remains upsetting, since she treats her game as if it's a porn game.) So I was upset here. I was also upset in that I feel a friendship with another person was ruined last week, due to some missed calls. So, I felt guilty for that too. And I did need some lone time. Fortunately, Wes saw this, and we spent a bit of time taking a walk to help me out. Thanks bud!

I have to say that Wes and I were the 2nd group to leave (probably Jessica and her sister were the last), and I have to admit that of all the people I mentioned in today's post, I don't want to get too close to anyone mentioned with 2 sole exceptions. Between the last people leaving, and us leaving, there was a space of about a few minutes. And in those few minutes, Audra spoke her mind. (I guess she trusted us.) Wes and Audra are the two people that I consider as the exception as they are my best friends. Not going to echo what she said here--but I think the opinions are rather similar. Like I said, I trust Audra and Wes. They are my best friends. Then there's the one family that I like as friends. Anyone else, I don't want to get really close because they have personal issues, or I don't know them well. (Yeah, I did apologize to one because I don't want to hold grudges. But again, I'm better just laying back when it comes to talking.) As for the two people not there, the one I do want to lay back. I don't know if there is much to salvage as friends, because of the opinions. And for my ex, Helena, well... I'll just say that no one should be around her. She doesn't give a damn for you, only for her own personal beliefs.

I have a process for building up friends--and that involves respect first, then trust. Yeah, this also applies in a similar method for my girlfriend--if and when I get one. And I don't think I'll have one now for at least 2 years...

Ok, I'm sick of this. You want to go to a concert. You buy tickets to your favorite band. Let's just say the tickets cost you $30, and you want to buy 4 tickets to take your friends to the same concert. Ok, so you think it'll cost you $120 altogether. But this isn't the case. I'm going to take an extreme case, but rather typical for the cost of one ticket, and for a group of 4 as listed above.

	Individual $30 ticket	4 tickets at $30 each
Ticket cost:	$30.00	$120.00
Sales tax (at 8%):	$2.40	$9.60
Online order fee: per ticket	$3.00	$12.00
Ticketmaster processing fee per ticket:	$2.00	$8.00
Order processing fee: one time charge	$7.00	$7.00
Shipping for "Print-at-home" * per ticket	$2.00	$8.00
Total fees:	$16.40	$44.60
You pay:**	$46.40	$164.60
Fee markup::	54.7%	37.2%

* Using price per ticket to print at home as an example. This may be per order, or nothing. Usually Will Call and/or standard postal mail is free. Other shipping may raise this cost.
** This does not cover insurance that some ticket brokers offer.

This may seem like a lot, and maybe you don't pay the taxes. But if you consider paying half the cost on fees, or around $50, that is totally a ripoff. Yes, it is a transparent way of revealing the costs, but it is also misleading in the marketing. You don't go to a gas station, to see the price is $3.999 a gallon, and then find on your receipt that you had to pay 4.00/gallon + 60 cents for each gallon pumped. Why do event managers think they can get away with this? And sometimes, the only way to buy tickets is online or by phone due to timing of certain "popular" events. Rockies games are another deal, in that if you don't go to the box office, you could be paying a surcharge of $2-$10 per ticket based on where you go. That's discrimination in itself. You can always set one price, and have a portion taken out for the distributors (aka Ticketmaster receives a 2% cut out of each ticket). The Colorado Lottery does it this way: each ticket costs a fixed price (like $1). The retailers get about 6¢ for each ticket sold. The rest goes to the Lottery for prizes or their reason.

Along the same lines: according to Visa and MasterCard, it is unlawful for any retailer to put a fee or require a minimum purchase on any credit card purchase. So, quit doing it, or else I'm reporting you! If you don't like it, you should increase the price on all or your most popular items by a few cents. You'll recover the costs in no time!

Along the lines of thought, I believe all 'necessary' fees and taxes should all be included in the price, so what price you see is what you pay. It can be an issue in Colorado, because some cities charge a (albeit lower) food tax on grocery items, and others don't. And the tax rate can vary from city to city and location to location. I think they should do like Sweden does if tax needs to be itemized: put the tax below the list or nearby, figuring it out of the total. but the price of each item and total should be prominent with tax.

And finally, the airlines. I have some beef with you. Landing fees and taxes must be included in your price like I discussed earlier. They are like taxes or fees that we cannot control. That should be included in the price. Same with the booking fee, eticket cost, etc. Your a la carte list, I'd like to amend this. If you charge for the baggage fees, people are only going to congest the carryon locations. If you start to charge for carryon, you have just killed the economy at the airport by hindering shopping at the airport--the last free economy at the airport. You have also killed your own industry by making it nearly impossible for all but the rich to fly (and they usually don't pay baggage fees anyways due to their elite status). If you want to go back to the dark ages of travel, fine. Long live Route 66. If not, maybe you can do what Southwest does, and allow 2 bags free. (or if you can't do that, 1 bag free). Thank you

Comparing the bbq on Friday vs. the bbq on Sunday, I think that it was as different as night and day. I can still picture it now.
Friday, the sky was cloudy, threatening (and did) rain. I came alone. There were a handful of people. I was able to socialize with the strangers. The host made me cook. Sports were not an interest (and I had an interest in 2 games). I was intimidated by a drunk host. I saw the host wasted, and that really broke the last straw. I left, though not with a great feeling.

Sunday was different. It started off awkward as a friend texted me that she could not go down. I was confused (and still remain) about the situation. Fortunately, I had another friend agree to meet and we'd go together. (This I'll explain later). We went down to the Sox game, had lots of fun (until the Sox blew out the baby Giants.) Then we went to the BBQ together. We got there, and it as a full house -- literally. Naturally, we associated with the only people we knew, that being the hostess and her husband. The kids were playing, the adults were talking, and I saw that Wes was a bit uncomfortable. I was too with all the strangers. So, we went to the front to talk a bit, and Audra came out. We could talk a bit, and were reassured that the party will be fine, though most of her family (which was most of it) will probably leave within an hour or two. It did help. I had another issue to discuss--about friends, and that we had another conversation amongst ourselves. Another twitter friend did show up, just in time. I was absent from the party twice, but this was because I was helping out Wes get something he needed, and again with Audra get some marshmallows and chocolate for the fire. I will say these times did help clear my head and re-engergize myself for the party. It sounds strange, but it's true. Yeah, I was the only one sober enough to drive, but it was also that I wanted to do this to help out friends. So it was a win-win situation. I had fun at the party--and not just because of the recent events or that I had faith, but that it really was a better party, with people I felt comfortable with.

Spoiler on friends follows, do not read the rest if you're not interested.( Notes on friends )